‘Be Yourself’, You Random Error

A Guide to Surviving the Universal Algorithm

Welcome to the Simulation, Darling. Try Not to Crash It.

You’ve heard it a million times:

“Be yourself.”

How quaint. How inspiring. How utterly naïve.

In the olden days, people believed in souls, destinies, divine plans. Cute. But it turns out you’re not a child of God, or a special snowflake, or a manifestation of higher consciousness.

You're a random fractal fart in a giant cosmic Turing Machine that’s been vomiting random emergents for subsequent patterning since time immemorial.

Let me explain.

The Universe Is a Computer. You Are the Glitch.

That’s right. According to Procedural Ontology™ (patent pending), the universe isn’t “guided” by some sky dad or cosmic love field. It’s a brute-force logic engine. A procedural system. A rule-bound generative function gone rogue.

What does it generate?
Errors. Lots of them.
Unpredictable, lawful-but-wild, context-sensitive emergents like: black holes, bisexual flamingos, TikTok algorithms, and you.

Each of us is a confined differential iteration — which is fancy talk for “an oddly shaped splat that technically follows the rules.”

And now you’re out here trying to “find yourself”? Oh honey — you are yourself. You were compiled with no warranty.

Evolution: Mortal Combat for Bugs

In this system, survival isn’t earned by wisdom, virtue, or who quotes Rumi best on Instagram. It’s determined by one simple law:

Which bug plays itself best in a randomly shifting test environment full of other deluded bugs?

Think poker. Except you didn’t choose your hand. And the dealer is quantum noise. And the cards might be on fire.

Your job?
Play your hand to perfection. Not someone else’s. Not a “better” one. Yours. The weird, mismatched, typo-ridden mess you drew.

Because the game only works if all emergents go all-in on their own internal logic. Even if that logic says, “Invent the selfie stick.”

Ancient India Knew You Were Doomed

The ancient Indians had this figured out long before postmodern physics and simulation theory ruined brunch. They said:

Perfect your dharma — your everyday role — no matter how random or ridiculous it looks.
Try to game the system? Karma downgrade. Rebooted as a worm. Possibly in marketing.

So yes, playing along with your glitchiness isn't just self-love — it's metaphysical compliance.

You don't evolve by escaping the system. You evolve by fully rendering your line of code — down to the last recursive loop.

Final Thoughts from One Glitch to Another

So next time you're tempted to "fake it till you make it," remember:

You are a procedurally generated accident,
floating in an evolving chaos soup,
being tested by random events,
against equally confused co-emergents,
in a logic system with no pause button.

The only winning move?

Be yourself.
But like... really yourself.
Fractal noise and all.

Because the Universe doesn’t reward perfection.
It rewards accuracy of pattern in a context of total uncertainty.

And you, my dear bug, are compiled for exactly this mess.

Bonus Tip:

If someone tells you to "manifest your destiny," ask them what version of the kernel they're running. Then vanish in a puff of procedural recursion.

All Finn’s blogs