|
Blinkers On How to Win Arguments
Without Knowing Anything © 2025 By: A Self-Certified Druid Cognitive Strategist Greetings,
fellow Homo sapiens! Tired of losing
arguments to people who “have facts”? Sick of being burdened by nuance,
logic, or (God forbid) changing your mind? Fear not! You, too, can armour
your mind with Belief Blinkers™—the hottest mental accessory of the
post-truth era. Let’s
face it: thinking is exhausting. What if you could replace pesky curiosity
with pre-packaged certainty? What if disagreement didn’t feel like dialogue
but like a personal attack you must win at all costs? Well,
you’re in luck. Here’s your comprehensive guide to not only acquiring belief
blinkers, but weaponizing them for maximum on- and off-line dominance and
social conformity. Step 1: Choose Your Tribe, Then Outsource Thinking First,
pick a tribe. Any tribe. Doesn’t matter if it’s political, religious,
dietary, astrological, or centred around essential oils. The point is: once
you join, all thinking is conveniently pre-done for you. Why
evaluate arguments when Samantha from your subreddit already posted a meme
that settles everything? Bonus Tip: The
louder someone says it on YouTube, the more true it
becomes. Step 2: Only Read What Confirms What You Already Think This is
key. Call it a “cognitive cleanse.” Unfollow, block, and spiritually banish
all sources of discomfort—particularly ones that introduce new information.
You don’t need that negativity in your life. Surround
yourself with content that mirrors your worldview so perfectly you start
quoting it in your sleep. This is
not an echo chamber. It’s a resonance sanctuary. Step 3: Treat Every Belief Like a Sacred Relic Remember:
Your beliefs are not just opinions. They are your identity. Which means
changing your mind is basically psychological treason. If
someone questions you, don't analyse—moralize. Make them feel like
they’ve insulted your ancestors, your country, your religion, your favourite
TikTok guru, and your dog. Feel
attacked? Good. Now double down. Step 4: Master the Art of Bad Faith Debate When
pressed, try these classic techniques: ·
“That’s just your opinion” (even if they’re
quoting raw data). ·
“Do your own research” (i.e., go down the same
YouTube hole you did). ·
“The mainstream is lying” (but also, cite it when
it agrees with you). Advanced
users can wield: Step 5: Reject
Uncertainty, Embrace Conspiracy Ambiguity?
Complexity? Gross. Instead,
opt for airtight narratives that explain everything in 3 easy steps,
preferably involving shadowy cabals, ancient secrets, or a single villain
responsible for all human suffering. Remember:
if reality doesn’t make sense, it’s probably hiding something. Like
logic. Ugh. Emergency Protocol: Someone Showed You Evidence If,
heaven forbid, someone sends you actual data, deploy the Ultimate Belief
Blinker Defence: "That's
been debunked by people I already agree with." End of
discussion. Final Thoughts (But Not Too Many) In a
world plagued by nuance, context, and expertise, belief blinkers offer sweet
relief. Who needs cognitive flexibility when you can have emotional
certainty wrapped in algorithmic approval? So blink away, friends. Keep
your gaze narrow and your mind narrower. Because in the age of performative
intellect, it’s not what you think—it’s how loudly you can say it in all
caps. Now go
forth, be confidently misinformed, and remember: Disclaimer:
If this post made you uncomfortable, it's probably because you're not
blinkered enough. Seek immediate echo chamber reinforcement. Side effects of
removing belief blinkers may include clarity, empathy, and awkward family
dinners. |